Get horny with the horns: What it’s like to be bisexual and monogamous

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Photo Credit: Mel Westfall | Daily Texan Staff

Editor’s Note: Get Horny with the Horns is a weekly column about sex from columnist B. Jones, who goes by a pseudonym. Reader discretion is advised.

It was so beautiful — the moment I looked into her eyes and knew she was the one. She had long, light brown hair, a good sense of humor and her mom made cookies every time I came over to visit. I was in love. I was also in first grade.

When my brother snitched about my first kiss to my parents, they decided it was best to never allow her into my house again, and being eight meant I couldn’t really Romeo-and-Juliet — or, I guess, Juliet-and-Juliet — my way over to her place.

Although my first “relationship” abruptly came to a close, the heart of it remained.

I knew I was into girls since before I knew what being “into” something meant, and when I was told by my church that being gay is wrong, it only hardened my resolve to end up with a wife.

So why am I with a dude? What happened?

I often worry that I’m just subconsciously doing what’s socially acceptable and that my upbringing somehow made me straight. But then I take a quick glance around and remember: I’m definitely not straight.

I’m with a guy because, for me, people are people — it doesn’t matter what genitals they have. I have a deeper connection with the guy I’m with than I’ve had with any person: male, female or other. 

For me, having sex, being in love and gender have nothing to do with one another. I truly don’t understand the idea that sexual activities stem from love, or the idea that love is dependent upon gender.

I’ve made the conscious choice to only be with one person of one gender, and that person has done the same. Some have called it oppression, but I call it sacrifice.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t get difficult. If you’re a straight male or a lesbian, imagine never seeing a vagina again in your life or never being able to touch boobs again, apart from your own. It’s kind of a depressing thought.

When I first started dating this guy, I was scared that I would never be fully sexually satisfied at the same level I am with girls, and I think that’s a legitimate fear. Yes, a part of me is sexually inactive, and I’ll probably never get over that, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy or sexually ungratified. 

Contrary to many people’s perception of bisexuality, I don’t feel the need to cheat. I can’t speak for every bi person out there, but I’m content with where I am and who I’m with.

According to a poll conducted by sex toy website Adam & Eve, most people of any sexual orientation aren’t willing to date a bisexual person. They think we’re going to cheat on them, that they won’t be able to satisfy us, that we’re just trying to be trendy and that we’ll revert back to our straight ways soon.

But bisexual doesn’t mean disloyal, it doesn’t mean insatiable and it doesn’t mean trendy.

The truth is, it only means one thing: Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love.