Editor’s Note: In the spirit of the University of Texas’ friendly rivalry with the University of Oklahoma, the editorial boards of The Daily Texan and The Oklahoma Daily have exchanged editorials. The Red River Rivalry, played every October in the neutral meeting ground of Dallas, is a time-honored tradition that brings out both the best and, some would say, worst in Texas and Oklahoma football fans. In anticipation of Saturday’s game, both editorials are running in Austin and Norman today.
Hey Texas, how’s it going?
We just want to say before we get into this, from the bottom of our hearts — thank you. Really. Your ultimate fail of a season is providing us so much entertainment. Whether it’s watching you cheat your way through the Iowa State game or trying to understand your strange belief that you can actually win the Big 12, you never cease to amaze us.
But really, we have to give it up to you. You’ve beaten two of the worst teams in the Big 12. That’s an accomplishment. It takes work to be as bad as you guys have been this season. And for once, hard work in Texas is paying off!
It’s almost as impressive as your ability to dwindle all the talent around you.
We never have seen anything like it. First, you consistently get top-five recruiting classes and end up with disappointing seasons. Then you recruit the past two Heisman Trophy winners as defensive backs. Technically, you didn’t even offer Johnny Manziel a scholarship.
We’re starting a slow clap for you as we speak.
At least your charity commitment to the McCoy family is almost through, though. Are the McCoys holding Bill Powers’ family hostage or something? You don’t have to answer that out loud, just blink once for yes and twice for no.
And who names their sons Colt and Case, anyway? That’s just mean. It’s bad enough that Colt’s NFL career never took off. At least Case can keep the family business alive stepping in for David Ash. The McCoy parents must be so proud with both their sons being career backups.
But hey, Mack Brown is trying really, really hard. It’s got to be difficult trying to manage a failing football program and a failing television network. Come on, who doesn’t love watching replays of their team losing two non-conference games?
We applaud you for scheduling a tough nonconference schedule. Here at Oklahoma, we know the importance of good scheduling. We played the most difficult non-conference schedule in the nation. But the real difference between OU and Texas? We win games.
We sincerely hope you never, ever fire Brown. He is the best thing that ever happened to Oklahoma. He got to Austin in 1998, one year before Bob Stoops came to Oklahoma. In those 14 years, Texas has won two Big 12 titles.
Oklahoma has won eight.
We know you’re supposed to be a “smart” school, but with the downward turn your football program has taken in the past few years, you’ll excuse us for thinking you might need a little help.
Math might be a little hard for you right now, so we’ll break it down for you. The only way you could surpass Oklahoma's seven national championships would be if you doubled your own. It’s all right. If it weren’t for bad teams like you, good programs like ours wouldn’t have anyone to entertain us when we’re bored.
There are a lot of things we could have made fun of in this year’s editorial, like your cheerleaders’ strange outfits, or how we’re disappointed your state hasn’t made good on its promise to secede.
Maybe the money spent on your failing football program would be better spent on driver’s education classes for all your residents. We’re not sure if you know this, but there’s a difference between tractors and your giant gas-guzzling SUVs you insist on driving everywhere.
And wasn’t it Texas Sen. Ted Cruz who basically caused the government shutdown? We don’t know whether to make fun of him for reading “Green Eggs and Ham” during his “filibuster” or make fun of you guys down there for electing him. Either way, you have to be so proud.
We just wanted to say buck up, there’s always next season. We’ll still beat you then, but maybe you won’t embarrass yourself at all your other games.
Dream big, champ.
Here at Oklahoma, we’re doing really well. We’re at a strong 5-0, the coaches have voted us in the top 10 and we’re strong contenders for the Big 12 title.
This is how we handle rebuilding years here. You know, they call it a rebuilding “year” for a reason. But I guess not everyone can be like us; some have to have rebuilding “years,” or “decades.”
That can be expected when you’re … slower.
In light of your current situation, we understand it may be difficult for you to think of things about OU to make fun of in your editorial. Thus, we’ve compiled a list of topics about OU that are fair game:
· Mike Stoops’ luscious blond hair
· Stoops’ love of Jamba Juice in post-game press conferences
· We’re in the same state as OSU
It’s not much, but it might help you out a bit. We’re sure whatever you come up with will be swell, though. Go get ‘em, tiger!
In closing, we would like to say thanks again for some truly great memories over the last three years. We will never forget the 146 points you’ve let us score in three games or what a half empty Cotton Bowl looks like.
Our last meeting left Big Tex burning down out of embarrassment. Hopefully the “new and improved” Big Tex will be better at handling the loss.
Truly, we owe it all to you.
Editor's Note: An original version of this editorial contained an error in the number of National Championships won by Oklahoma. The error has since been corrected.